Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
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he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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