im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
