Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
