Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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