WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize