So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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