im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
