Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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