I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
