This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
