Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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