dude i'm inner monologue high
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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