How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
