I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There's always time for handjobs
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
