she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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