i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
