she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
