You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
