And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
