Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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