I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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