I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
be right there i have to get my cape
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize