Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
