why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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