That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
