She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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