I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
