Your dad touched me again.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
