Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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