So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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