hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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