Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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