don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The struggles of a small town man whore
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!