"it" just moved
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
