I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i dont even know how to be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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