It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Randomize
