eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
