Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
this will be a night to untag.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
