well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
