I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
