AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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