I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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