They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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