Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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