I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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