I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
