Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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