they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
