filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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