He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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