arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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