eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I would fuck him just for his dog
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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