How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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