I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
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