If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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