I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
