we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
