He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
