people are starting to question the shark bite story
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
