Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
