I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
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Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
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I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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